The power of reactions: triggers and anchors in conflict situations
- Christiana Scholz
- 5 days ago
- 4 min read
Conflicts are an unavoidable part of our lives, whether at work, in the family, or among friends. They often arise suddenly and unexpectedly, sometimes out of the blue, and can transform the most harmonious relationships into an emotional storm. But while we may feel lost in the midst of these conflicts, the real challenge lies not only in the arguments themselves, but more importantly in the way we react to them. In particularly heated moments of confrontation, we tend to act impulsively or let our emotions guide us. This is where the term "trigger" comes into play.
A trigger is a stimulus that elicits a strong emotional response in us, often based on past experiences or deep-rooted fears. It can put us on the defensive or cause us to overreact—often without our awareness. Anchoring, on the other hand, is a conscious technique that helps us stay calm in stressful situations and make thoughtful decisions in difficult moments.
In this blog post, we'll delve deeper into these two concepts. We'll explore how triggers affect us in conflict situations and how anchors can help us guide our reactions. We'll also present practical strategies and techniques that enable us to think more clearly and act more constructively in the midst of conflict. This can not only improve the quality of our relationships but also promote our own emotional well-being.
What exactly are “triggers” and how do they trigger conflicts?
When certain stimuli or situations trigger intense emotional reactions in us, we are "triggered." This can manifest itself in the form of fear, anger, or sadness, for example. "Triggers" are often deeply rooted in our values, beliefs, and personal experiences. They are a kind of emotional "trigger" that reminds us of past experiences and causes us to react in a present situation in a way that has nothing to do with the current situation.
To clarify the concept of "triggers," let's consider a concrete example: Imagine someone was frequently criticized by teachers or parents during their childhood. These experiences can leave a deep vulnerability regarding their self-esteem and need for recognition. If this person then hears a seemingly innocuous remark about their work practices in a conversation with a colleague, this can activate the "trigger."
In this moment, when the colleague perhaps merely points out a small opportunity for improvement, an emotional switch is flipped. The person who has been criticized frequently in the past may immediately become defensive, regardless of the other person's actual intention. They may react with a snippy reply or withdraw without actually questioning the situation. This happens because the trigger creates a connection to old pain—the feeling of being rejected or not being good enough suddenly resurfaces.
The emotional reaction in this case has little or nothing to do with the current situation. The colleague's criticism isn't really comparable to painful childhood memories, but the "trigger" has influenced the person so strongly that they unconsciously react to the past. The result is often a misunderstanding that can develop into a deadlocked conflict.
This dynamic can lead to tension in many interpersonal relationships. If we aren't aware of the triggers that affect us, we can easily find ourselves in conflicts that not only affect the current situation but also reopen old wounds. At the same time, we ourselves can unconsciously and unintentionally trigger triggers in our counterparts.
Dropping anchor: stability in stormy times
As an initial response to identified triggers, anchors offer a way to regulate our emotional reactions. Anchors are positive, stabilizing elements that help us stay calm in difficult situations and remember our values. They can take the form of positive affirmations, breathing techniques, memories of specific places, or even people who provide us with a sense of security and comfort.
When we find ourselves in conflict, anchors can remind us of what's important to us: respect, empathy, or cooperation. These values help us stay calm and communicate constructively in the heat of the moment.
Example: The breathing anchor
Imagine you're having a stressful day at the office and a conflict is threatening to escalate. Instead of reacting immediately, use a breathing technique as an anchor: Take a deep breath, hold it for a moment, and then exhale slowly. This simple technique can help you pause for a moment and collect your thoughts before you respond or simply ask a question: "Did I understand you correctly that...?" This allows you to verbalize what you heard, and the other person can check it again in relation to your own intentions. With the help of this technique, many misunderstandings can often be resolved very quickly, preventing a conflict from arising in the first place.
Strategies for controlling triggers and using anchors
1. Develop self-confidence
The first step to regaining control over your reactions is to become aware of your triggers. Keep a journal to document situations in which you react emotionally. Analyze the triggers and try to identify patterns.
2. Set anchors
Establish anchors that help you stay calm during stressful moments. These can include short breathing or meditation exercises, positive affirmations, or even listening to certain pieces of music, as well as a light touch, such as on your wrist. Practice these techniques regularly so they're available in critical moments.
3. Create emotional distance
Try to maintain a certain emotional distance in conflict situations. Imagine you're observing the situation from the outside. This perspective can help you control your reactions and avoid acting impulsively. It gives you time to identify your own triggers and use your established anchor.
Conclusion: Regain control
Conflicts are challenging, but they also offer opportunities for personal growth. By identifying our triggers and setting anchors, we can learn to better manage our emotions and respond constructively. It's a process that requires practice and patience, but the rewards are worth it: improved relationships and increased emotional well-being.
Recommended reading:
Comments