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Do you know this? It's a hot day. You're standing in line in front of the ice cream display and the customer you're serving is holding an ice cream tasting 🍦🍦🍦. I then regularly ask myself whether I'm too careless with my decisions. Isn't choosing a flavor of ice cream the same as committing to a life partner or at least investing in the next family car?
But back to the beginning of the story and the question of whether this is even a conflict. The Eisgreissler🍦 produces quality ice cream here in the Bucklige Welt. Every now and then I visit the company headquarters, which has a wonderful leisure facility and of course an ice cream parlor. The number of varieties on offer is almost overwhelming. If, like me, you are overwhelmed by more than 5 types of chips on the supermarket shelf when it comes to making a decision, then you have developed a survival routine: you already know in advance which type of ice cream you are going to choose or - this is what I do - you always eat the same type - which is probably why they are called "favorites".
Well, on this beautiful spring Sunday, the following happened: There aren't many people around yet. So I head into the completely empty ice cream shop to get my favorite flavor. 5 meters from the display case, I see out of the corner of my eye a mother and her entourage (2 small children + grandmother) hurrying past me. No problem for me, the children are probably seriously hypoglycemic and the risk of me buying up the ice cream shop is like a tsunami.
It happens as it must: The ice cream tasting begins 🍦🍦🍦🍦🍦 paired with the innovative parenting style that has recently been practiced by over-motivated parents: Children, barely out of diapers, are constantly exposed to the need to make decisions according to new educational approaches. Chocolate from the shaggy hair with flash-frozen raspberry ice cream, or would you prefer yoghurt with right-turning bacteria combined with the delicious variety made from coconut shell ash (they really do have it, no joke)? What this does to a developing child's brain when faced with more than 20 types of ice cream, I dare not estimate in view of my own limitations in the choice of ice cream flavors, but I am able to experience it first hand:
Analyzing myself as a mediator, I confirm that I have an intrapersonal conflict - that is, I am slowly becoming grumpy. After what feels like the last ice age, I ask in a not at all frosty way: "Do you need a little more time?", coupled with a meaningful gesture, I want to express that I do not want to disturb the tasting in view of the next publication of the children's edition of Gault-Millau, but perhaps I would like a scoop of ice cream in the meantime... I receive a venomous look that I would not have expected to be in the repertoire of the Waldorf mother. But the contract negotiations for the purchase of a mixed scoop of ice cream each start to move: the mother asks the children to make a decision. This is promptly given by the small children in the form of shouting orders to the ice cream man behind the counter. You (I mean) have to understand that, after all, they were exposed to the exceptional situation of having to wait for the object of their desire throughout the tasting. It is not surprising that the word "please" falls victim to the need fulfillment, as this is probably only introduced in the advanced phase of the education process. It is secondary as long as the toddler knows what it wants.
Let's take a closer look at the situation. Is this a conflict? Definitely. Even if I initially only saw myself as being restricted from buying a scoop of ice cream, we are by definition talking about a conflict because there is an impairment, even if this initially only affects one person. My intervention may have also transferred this to the mother, but only if she herself felt restricted in her actions at this point (stopping the tasting). The waitress behind the ice cream counter is probably used to this type of customer, so will not have seen herself involved. There is no doubt that this situation has only a small potential for escalation (hopefully ice cream parlors do not become hotspots for bloody arguments), and there are definitely more important issues than buying a scoop of ice cream, right? Nevertheless, the question remains whether the people involved are able to see possible solutions even in small conflicts and offer compromises through empathetic action. In the current case, for example, For example, one option I could have had was to forego buying the ice cream or to speak to a colleague of the ice cream man behind the counter. Couldn't I have shown more empathy for the children or the mother for other customers? That could be the case.
In every conflict we have several options for action. Sometimes, however, our own emotions block our view of them. We should learn from them to act carefully. Because in small conflicts we learn how to deal with the big problems in life.
Conflict Barometer
The Conflict Barometer is a non-scientific attempt to evaluate conflict situations. Depending on the severity, up to three sticks of dynamite or doves of peace can be awarded.
People involved: 🧨🧨
Escalation: 🧨
Relevance: 🧨
Empathy shown: 🕊️
Solution options: 🕊️🕊️🕊️
Compromise reached: 🕊️
The author only allows himself to use satirical means when dealing with personal conflicts.
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