RECENTLY at the children's party – a conflict story from everyday life

Raising children is a taboo subject. Just speak frankly at a children's party, faced with a originally white wall: "No chocolate fingers!" Caligula's Lion Arena is a retreat by comparison. Before you know it, you're in the middle of a conflict with your parents. So I'd rather keep quiet and have the house repainted, this time in latex, because you never know when the next (children's) party will be.

NEULICH auf der Kinderparty - Gegensätzliche Erziehungs-Philosophien als Grundlage für Konflikte

Money and politics – these are yesterday's taboo topics. The ubiquitous ping-ping has replaced discretion in matters of money, at the latest with the arrival of rappers' pound-heavy gold chains. Just as popular right-wing populism is permeating the broader strata of society and, for the first time with the ability to command a majority in parliament, is evoking a Europe smeared with Nazi slogans, that's no longer an issue. New areas for friction are needed. What could be more appropriate than the expert topic of child-rearing? While in the last century, parenting often seemed too simplistic ("You just have to let your child cry for three days."), today we have to ask ourselves how we are even capable of choosing the right paint for the nursery without a master's degree in postnatal education.

Arms or vision too short?

We have a small restroom on the mezzanine floor. It has the advantage of being located in the center of the house. Some time ago, it was the scene of a remarkable incident: A 5-year-old boy visited the place. After the penny drops, he sticks his head out the door, still sitting on the toilet, and calls out to the entire house: "READY!"... The group around the lunch table paused in anticipation of what would happen next. The child's father rises and rushes to the child's aid, squeezing into the space too small for two people to perform a hygiene procedure on the toddler's backside. Why the son has to wash his hands instead of the father remains unanswered here, but the question of why a child about to start school doesn't complete his basic toileting needs on his own remains. The explanation is: "His arms are too short." ... What, how, why? Is the child damaged by a vaccine? Does the arm reach the rear end via the neck? Does anyone else in the family have this problem? Don't worry. He's grown up now, and the boy still washes his hands afterward, or at least he lets the water run.

Then as now, we as fathers or mothers (can we still say that?) are not necessarily equipped with the necessary skills by the mere fact of having a child. Mistakes can and will happen. Anyone who believes that love for a child alone is enough overlooks the fact that raising a child is not only a backbreaking job, but also a legal obligation. Take a look at the Austrian Civil Code (ABGB). The following example, in addition to the one above, should illustrate this. Please decide for yourself which approach is more likely to promote the child's development and be of benefit to society.

I saw this second incident just yesterday as a post on LinkedIn:

Erziehung mit Trauma-Risiko?

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/syed-danish-zaidi-6b618a167_parenting-lettinggo-resilience-activity-7212726334714744833-iEYQ?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_desktop . This article reveals an alternative approach to raising children. In addition to providing help in problem situations—meaning the child isn't left to their own devices—they are encouraged to develop independent problem-solving processes . This presents the child with challenges and forces parents to consciously refrain from providing constant support. Some might object at this point that the method used could have a traumatic effect on the young child's life. I wonder which of the two children will be more likely to help me color.

The New Crusades

Raising children has now been elevated to a religion, with countless denominations and beliefs clashing. And, as is common with religions, they all claim to be the only one who can bring salvation. The new crusades are being waged against the other's beliefs: Rejection of the new beliefs ("My child defines their own boundaries") is met with the threat of the Inquisition and social media exposure. The escalation quickly reaches a fever pitch, at which mediation becomes difficult. Positions are so far apart. It's no wonder, then, that many seek relaxation in "adults-only" hotels. Which really leaves the only question: What will the "adult" of tomorrow look like, and will I, as a "senior citizen," be more likely to avoid adult-only hotels in the future?

Conflict Barometer

Opposing positions in child-rearing lead to serious conflicts that often remain unresolved and cause lasting damage to the relationship between the conflicting parties. Unfortunately, my experience has shown that due to the diverging personal values and the high level of emotionality, the willingness to resolve conflicts is low and the options for resolution are quite limited.

People involved:	🧨
Escalation:	🧨🧨🧨
Relevance:	🧨🧨🧨
Possible empathy:	🕊️
Solution options:	🕊
Achievable compromise:	🕊

The Conflict Barometer is a non-scientific attempt to assess conflict situations. Depending on the severity, up to three sticks of dynamite or peace doves can be awarded.

With this conflict story, the author aims to stimulate reflection on conflicts that arise in everyday life. He only allows himself to use satire when dealing with personal conflicts.