RECENTLY in the constant sound – a conflict story from everyday life
- Jürgen Dostal
- May 11
- 4 min read
Updated: May 19
"Narcissism kills respect. Or is it simply loneliness?"
Who hasn't experienced this? Public space is increasingly becoming an acoustic stage on which we are unintentionally drawn into unfamiliar dialogues. And I wouldn't willingly watch every performer, let alone pay attention to their performance. It's no longer enough to simply be there. No, you become, without being invited, part of a concert of voices, ringtones, and YouTube videos. Here are three everyday stories that all happened within a week and have one thing in common: They make me question my own ability to socialize.
Monday breakfast at the bakery – business or pleasure, the main thing is that it’s loud
I'm sitting in the corner of a bakery's restaurant. It's packed, the tables close together. In the middle, a sofa corner, where a man is enjoying his breakfast. His cell phone is in front of him, on speaker, and he's talking loudly to a colleague. It's about professional details, the details of which I'd never want to know—but I guess I'm being too picky.
His ignorance of the surrounding tables is impressive. Several glances fly in his direction, but the man remains unfazed. Perhaps it's ignorance, perhaps a lack of self-awareness. Perhaps he's simply become accustomed to the fact that his life is broadcast and that other people are merely background noise.
Ambulance lounge or live call center?
Two days later, I'm sitting with my wife in a hospital emergency room. It's flu season, and the waiting room is packed. The seating arrangement is reminiscent of a jumbo jet, and at least some people are wearing masks—not the person in question, of course.
A woman is lying on a bed right next to the waiting area. She has her speakerphone on and is talking on the phone with astonishing stamina about canceling some order. Her interlocutor can be heard clearly, and the topic interests no one, except perhaps herself.
The intriguing thing is: The woman speaks in a subdued voice. Her reasoning? Perhaps she's hoping to lower the speaker volume by speaking more quietly. Apple could develop an exciting feature out of this: "Whisper Mode Activated!"
Schizophrenic in the coffee house
Yesterday: I'm sitting in an Italian café, waiting for my wife. Italian music is playing in the background—a pleasant, atmospheric soundtrack. If it weren't for the man at the next table.
He has no one to talk to, so his smartphone has to step in. He opens an email, finds a YouTube link, and voila: the video starts playing – without headphones, of course. The Italian music and the video compete for dominance while I slowly slide into acoustic schizophrenia.
After watching a series of videos, I take the plunge. "Excuse me, could you please turn that down?" His response? "You'd probably have more peace and quiet at home." Touché. I agree and ask for the bill, 10 decibels and one conflict lessened.
Outside the cafe stands one of Vienna's last telephone booths. I decide to start a petition for telephone booths: Where are they, the old telephone booths? They could easily be operated without the payphone, as a retreat for telephone narcissists.
Why do people do this?
The reasons for such behavior could be varied:
Digital narcissism: One's own life seems so important that it must be shared with everyone—whether one wants to or not. Or perhaps it's simply loneliness.
Lack of empathy: Many people barely notice their surroundings and do not think about how their behavior affects others.
Habit: Speakerphone calls and videos have become the norm for some people – they simply no longer notice the disruption.
Lack of rules: In a world where social norms are constantly shifting, there are often no clear rules of etiquette for such situations.
Social trend or exception?
Is all this a sign of our times? The answer is probably yes. Consideration and respect for others seem to be eroding more and more. Perhaps it's because we live in a world that emphasizes individualism more than ever. Everyone fights for themselves – and in the process, the sense of community is sometimes lost.
But is this really selfishness? Or is it due to changing social structures? In the past, rules of etiquette were clearly defined; today, they are often optional.
Is the conflict inevitable? Possible reactions.
Of course, there are many ways to respond to such situations – some more effective, others less so.
Ignore: Not the best solution, but often the easiest.
Approach politely: A friendly reminder can work wonders. Example: "Excuse me, could you please use your headphones?"
Self-irony: Humor often helps defuse the situation. "Wow, that sounds exciting—when is the movie coming out?"
Clear stance: If all else fails, you can be direct: “Sorry, but that bothers me.”
Demand rules: Perhaps at some point there will be a need for clear “no-speaker” zones in cafes and public spaces.
Conclusion: Respect begins in everyday life
Whether it's cell phone calls on the subway or at the lunch table, whether important or bizarre, phone calls in the presence of non-participants exclude them and are simply rude. They are symbols of a loss of consideration and respect.
Maybe we should all ask ourselves: How do I want to be treated? And how can I treat others more respectfully? Because ultimately, social change begins with each individual—and sometimes a pair of headphones is enough to make the world a little bit quieter and more pleasant. 🎧
Conflict Barometer
People involved: | 🧨🧨 |
Escalation: | 🧨 |
Relevance: | 🧨🧨 |
Possible empathy: | 🕊🕊 |
Solution options: | 🕊🕊🕊 |
Achievable compromise: | 🕊🕊 |
The author uses satirical means to address personal conflicts. The Conflict Barometer is a non-scientific attempt to evaluate conflict situations. Depending on the severity, up to three sticks of dynamite or peace doves can be awarded.
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